If I wanted to continue breastfeeding I HAD to take a break, use the pump and start bottles. My nipples needed time to heal. Mentally I couldn't do it. I cried myself to sleep the night I brought the pump home. I was scared Viv wouldn't go back to the breast if I used a bottle, I was scared my milk supply would be affected, I didn't think I could do it.
The next morning I called my oldest friend who had breastfed and also used bottles and pumped and I asked her to talk me off the ledge. The first thing she said was "Breastfeeding $#@%'s with your mind!" There is absolutely NO way to explain the hormones and feelings that go through your mind postpartum and adding breastfeeding on top of that makes it worse. I was so glad she was able to put into words how I had been feeling for two weeks. I knew that I wasn't the only person who had ever had a baby, struggled with nursing, and had to give their baby a bottle, but I needed to hear it anyways. After I got off the phone, I set up the pump and prepared a bottle for Eric to give Viv. She took it easily and I was on my way to healing.
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